When you walk into a restaurant, you probably notice how friendly the host and waitstaff are, what the ambiance feels like, what kind of cuisine is on the menu and who else is dining there. But youre not the only one taking in your surroundings. Restaurant servers are also likely sizing you up and figuring out what kind of dining guest youll be.
[Being a server] teaches you how to read peoples behaviors on a dime, Kelly Ennis, who was a server for about 15 years, told HuffPost. You can tell when you walk up to a table if theyre in a bad mood, if theyre in a rush Its [all about] understanding body language and developing a rapport quickly.
We asked long-time restaurant servers what theyve observed about their guests when theyre dining out and why thats important to their jobs.
They observe how you respond when they introduce themselves.
When your server first comes by your table, are you scowling at the menu with your arms crossed? Do you stop what youre doing and listen to them?
There were folks [who] would come in and barely acknowledge you and couldnt remember what you look like, recalled Chuck Anderson, who was a server for about 20 years. He said even just calling your server by name and saying please and thank you goes a long way.
To me, the biggest indicator that someone was going to be friendly, or at least nice, is eye contact, shared Darron Cardosa, a former server for about 25 years and blogger of The Bitchy Waiter . He thinks customers dont often recognize how simple gestures like this can improve the relationship between them and their server.
They can tell a lot about the dynamics at your table.
When you sit down at your table, servers usually notice who you are dining with, Simon K., who has about six years of serving experience, explained.
Is it two friends? Is it a date? You fish those things out just by talking to the guests and find out why theyre there, he said.
If there are kids at the table, Simon tries to determine how well-behaved they are: You dont know how lax the parents are in terms of keeping the kid in their seats or letting them run around the restaurant, or how dirty underneath the table is going to be.
Noticing these types of details can help a server gauge how much attention each table will need, how to space out the orders, how much time the cleanup will take, and what the overall bill may look like.
Another very telling observation for servers: how you treat others at your table.
If someone is dismissive of their spouse, their date or their kids, then you dont have much hope that theyre going to treat you better, Cardosa said.
They notice entitlement by the way you order.
Asking for substitutions and to split the check are usually acceptable. But requests like these should be logical, Cardosa explained.
For example, asking to substitute an inexpensive ingredient with an expensive one is probably not going to happen.
You cant just say, I dont want tomatoes, but can I get shrimp instead, he said. Its definitely an upcharge.
And in terms of splitting checks, if someone wants to split the bottle of wine three ways and the appetizer two ways and then the entrees four ways, thats going to be really confusing, Simon said.
These types of over-the-top requests can make you come off as entitled or inconsiderate of the waitstaff.
They pick up on it if you have poor time management.
Theres that saying, Your lack of time management is not my problem. That is how I feel about people who are in a rush, Cardosa said.
When he worked in Times Square, he frequently had customers come in and say they were in a hurry to get to a show.
You knew the show was at 8 oclock. Its not my responsibility to make your food take precedence over other people because now its 7:15 and youre just getting here, he said.
Another example of poor time management: When customers show up at a restaurant a few minutes before it closes, even though they know its about to close.
The last thing you want is to have this [last-minute table] that orders three things and then lingers for two hours, Simon shared. Working at a restaurant is literally the most tiring job people want to go home.
They CANT judge how youll treat them based on your appearance.
Whether customers are in a full suit or wearing a grungy T-shirt and shorts, servers told HuffPost that you can never really tell how theyll treat the waitstaff, how much theyll spend, or how much theyll tip just based on looks.
In fact, Ennis remembers one of her regular customers came off as crotchety by appearance but was actually one of the best tippers.
[Ive learned to] never judge a book by its cover, she said. It could be the best book that youve read.
The most important thing servers pay attention to: Are you treating them with respect?
If youre ignoring your server every time they come by your table or are snapping at them to get you your food and drinks faster, theyre probably going to feel disrespected.
We always had this Im a server, not your servant mindset, Anderson said. I think [customers] need to remember that this is a lot of peoples livelihoods And being aware of whos [serving] you and extending a little bit of grace will allow you as the patron to have a better dining experience.
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