A TikToker Sparked Outrage For Questioning 'Priorities' Of Working Parents

The birth rate in the United States has shown an overall decline over recent decades. People are choosing to have fewer children, having children later in life and increasingly deciding to remain child free. There are multiple factors contributing to this trend, including access to reproductive healthcare (limited to a much smaller number of states since the fall of Roe) and increasing educational and career opportunities for women. 

More and more, Millennials say that theyre choosing not to have kids because they cant afford it. A Newsweek poll  of 1,500 adults from April 2023 that asked, If the cost of living was lower, would you consider having a child? found that 30% of respondents overall answered yes. Among respondents ages 18-34, that jumped to over 50%.

A number of Millennials have expressed their hesitations about having children on TikTok, with some citing the U.S. Department of Agriculture estimate that the cost of raising a child born in 2015 would be $233,610 over the first 17 years. 

In response, one 22-year-old TikToker  (who does not have children) posted a rebuttal of these claims , explaining that, in her view, families paying for childcare were choosing to prioritize their careers, as opposed to having one parent stay home to care for the children. If Millennials simply choose instead to prioritize having children, she insinuates, they could do so. She gives the example of her own family. She states her father chose to grow his salary in order to support her mother and the 11 children she stayed out of the workforce to raise. 

Her video, which she took down and then made public again, has gone viral and the commenters have spared her no mercy in their criticism. Yet the overall tone of her claim that parents could afford children if only they put in a little more effort is not uncommon. 

But its unfair to compare the financial situation of Millennials to that of previous generations. While the cost of housing has risen precipitously, salaries have not gone up in sync and most of us dont live in fairyland gardens where we can water our salaries and watch them grow. 

In 2023, the median price of purchasing a home in the U.S. was $412,000, or 5.5 times the 2022 median household income of $74,580. In 1980, the median price of a home was $47,200, which was only 2.2 times the 1980 median household income of $21,020. Millennials arent imagining things. Their salaries dont stretch half as far. 

In addition, the soaring cost of higher education means that many are shouldering crushing student loan debt. Americans owe a total of $1.75 trillion in student loans, an average of $28,950 per borrower. This debt makes it difficult to save for a down payment on a home, or weather unpaid leave from work to care for a new child. (The U.S. has long been an outlier among developed nations in offering zero weeks of paid parental leave.)

Then there is the cost of childcare itself. While its true that a number of people, usually women, leave the workforce to care for children because the cost of childcare totals as much, or more, than their salaries, there are also reasons people keep a job beyond the arithmetic of a paycheck. Some people work in order to maintain health coverage for their families. The consequences of leaving the workforce arent limited to the present: workers lose out on seniority, pensions and social security earnings when they take time away.

But its not unusual for a parents salary to be decimated by childcare costs. The Department of Health and Human Services established 7% of family income as the benchmark for affordable childcare. Yet, according to Care.coms 2024 Cost of Care Report , families are spending an average of 24% of their income on childcare. Sixty percent of families are spending 20% or more. 

Here at HuffPost, we have been highlighting some of these families stories in our series Banking On Childcare . By sharing their childcare expenses and their struggles, these parents paint a portrait of the complicated, and at times heartbreaking, decisions families are forced to make in order to provide for their children. 

Here are some of the things they have said about their kids, their jobs and their priorities:

Im still paying student loans, and thats $350 a month. My car payments $400. Were told, Go to school, go to college, youll be fine. And Im going to be paying my loans until Im 52, I think it works out to. So Im not giving my kids a chance I cant save anything for them, to help them not be in this position. And thats what really breaks my heart. In addition to [that], I feel like Im just missing their whole lives because Im too busy trying to survive and work a million jobs.  Ashley P., Pennsylvania (Read full story: When You Subtract What I Pay For Child Care, Im Only Making $10 An Hour )

To go from two pretty decent incomes to literally cutting our income in half was hard. We tried to mentally justify it with, Oh, but look how much were saving on day care and all of this, but at the end of the day, youre still at a loss.  Rachael Gomez, Texas (Read her story: My Family Of Five Lives On $90,000 A Year And Its A Struggle ) 

I literally worked seven days a week. I took extra assignments at school, I would do aromatherapy [sales], anything that I could find to supplement my primary income. Anything where I was able to work online, I would do that, so that I would have the income but not have to be concerned about paying for additional childcare. Sherrie Bain, California (Read her story: Im A Single Mother With A Ph.D., And I Literally Worked Seven Days A Week To Make Ends Meet )

When youre planning to have children, youre aware of the need to create a college fund, like everybody talks about. You need to plan for college when youre having kids, but you have 18 years to generate that fund. No one ever warns you about the cost of early childcare. And if youre lucky, you have three months to plan for that, maybe nine months if youre really on top of it. Nobody talks about it, but your hands are tied. Youre gonna quit your job, or youre gonna have to pay. Deanna Conley, Rhode Island (Read her story: Everyone Talks About This Village, But There Really Isnt A Village: The Reality Of Child Care )

I need these [subsidized childcare] funds to always be there in order to have the ability to work and to thrive for my family and for myself. This is what would help me and other families a lot: That the funds are always there, that they dont make it too complicated for us to apply in order to thrive, in order to triumph. Because for a lot of women, a lot of single mothers, its very difficult to get ahead. Luz Quevedo, Oregon (Read her story: How I Make State-Funded Child Care Work As A Single Mom )

Id definitely like to get [my 3-year-old] into something more full-time next year, but I just dont know how feasible it would be. If I did get a full-time job and put him in full-time preschool, then we would probably not qualify [for subsidized care] and so I would just be paying for childcare. It wouldnt make any sense. I dont even think wed break even, to be honest. Michelle Dewalt, Washington (Read her story: I Work As A Part-Time Nanny So I Can Care For My Own Children )

 There has to be some level of understanding. We cant expect people to work all this time, but then at the same time, not be flexible. I cant tell you how many employers Ive had in the past that were like, Your child is sick? Well, why dont you just give your child Tylenol and still come in. Ida Rodriguez, Massachusetts (Read her story: What I Spend On Child Care As A Mom Who Makes Under $30,000 A Year )

Were kind of at a crossroads where one of us is probably going to have to leave our job because of the current situation and how unaffordable its becoming. And so were looking at, do we choose to lose health insurance? Or do we lose a big chunk of our income? Lucie Benevise, Virginia (Read her story: I Make $22 An Hour In Roanoke, Virginia. This Is What I Spend On Childcare )