8 Common Phrases You Say To Your Hair Stylist That Are Actually Rude

When you go to the hair salon, youre probably aware of common etiquette best practices, like tipping your hairstylist and being on time. But what you probably havent thought about as much is how you talk to your stylist. The types of phrases youre using can have a lasting impression and make or break your relationship with them. 

We talked to hair stylists and etiquette experts about common things clients say at the hair salon that they may not realize are coming off as rude and how to better handle those situations in the future. 

My previous stylist messed up my hair.

Dont leave your appointment hating your hair only to go to a competitor salon and trash talk your previous stylist, said Melissa Goudeau , author of So You Wanna be a Hairstylist Thats Cute and co-owner at The Cut House Salon in Louisiana. That not only puts a bad taste in the stylists mouth because you might do the same to them, but youve ruined the previous stylists reputation without even letting [them] know what you didnt like.

Instead, if youre unhappy with your hair, tell your stylist and give them a chance to fix it. Goudeau said its important to remember that while most stylists try to do exactly what you want on the first visit, sometimes it takes a few tries to adjust and get it right.

Sorry, I didnt come prepared today. 

When you sit down in the salon chair and your stylist or barber asks you what you want, saying you didnt come prepared or didnt think about it can come off like the appointment isnt important to you, according to J. Clark Walker , owner and barber at Major Studios in Utah.

It feels rude in a job if you log in to a Zoom meeting and you start with, Im super sorry. I didnt come prepared. Nobody would do that, right? he explained. Well, the same goes for when youre getting your hair done. 

If you dont know what you want, Walker said its perfectly acceptable to say that and ask if the stylist or barber has any ideas. You could say something like, Ive been looking at pictures, and none of them are resonating. Could you help me decide?

Most stylists and barbers are happy to help you figure out your options. Its just about asking in a way that shows you care about your appointment. 

My haircut looks fine. 

At the end of the haircut when your stylist or barber asks, How do you like it? people commonly respond with just, Its fine, Walker said.

Those [types of comments] can definitely live in our heads rent-free for a while, he explained. It can come off that youre not a satisfied customer if youre saying its fine. 

He said a lot of stylists and barbers consider themselves artists and giving them a compliment goes a long way. 

You shouldnt have to coddle your barber, but [saying something like], You crushed it. This is great. Its perfect. Then we get excited and the next time you come, we dont have any stress about making you happy, Walker said.

Can I have a discount?

Unless youre at a chain salon that offers specials, Goudeau said it can be insulting if a client asks for a discount.

This is not a flea market, she said. Weve paid tens of thousands of hard-earned money to establish this education, license and expertise, so, No, Im not taking $50 off because its your birthday.

She recommends discussing your budget in an initial consultation with your stylist. If the service is more than you can spend, ask what adjustments can be made that would fit your budget and look similar to what you want. (For example, try a partial highlight instead of a full highlight.)

I dont care what you do with my hair. 

This phrase is OK to say if you actually mean it. But when people have a vision for their hair and dont express it, that can be frustrating, Walker said.

People sit down and say, Oh, I dont care. What do you think? Im not picky. And then at the very end, its incredibly common for people to then voice their opinions, he explained. 

Its one thing if theyre asking for tweaks at the end, but if clients have strong opinions for the overall haircut, he prefers they tell him at the beginning.  

Its very easy at the start to [say], I really love this about my hair. Or I dont want to go too short here. 

Goudeau suggests bringing in lots of pictures and showing your stylist what you like and even dislike about them. 

A good barber or hairstylist should also ask a lot of questions, but its up to the client to be clear and honest about what they want. 

Let me tell you all about [insert deeply personal issue here].

Its very easy for folks to sit down in that chair and immediately feel like theyre in that safe I-can-share-anything space, said Lizzie Post , co-author of Emily Posts Etiquette, The Centennial Edition . Stylists arent therapists. They are there to help consult on your appearance, not so much how things are going in your life.

While Post said she has built close relationships with her stylists where they can talk about their personal lives, its important to make sure its a balanced conversation not a therapy session.  

Ask, How are you doing? How are things in your world? That helps keep it a conversation and not like youre just abusing the system, she said.

You also want to be careful not to gossip about other people to your stylist, Diane Gottsman , a national etiquette expert and owner of The Protocol School of Texas , pointed out.

When youre sitting next to somebody it could be a community member, a neighbor. You never know who is listening, she said. And who knows? They could be friends or acquaintances with the person youre talking about. 

What is that person getting done to their hair?

If you are receiving a service or waiting to see your stylist, it can be rude to stare or start asking questions about what other clients are getting done.

If you walk up to the chair and start questioning the stylist or making comments   the client in the chair may feel uncomfortable if not embarrassed, explained Shantella Rios , owner of Tame Ur Mane Studio in New Jersey. 

Talking to the hairstylist while they are doing someone elses hair can also distract them and delay the service, Gottsman added.

If you would like more information about a service, wait to speak to the stylist or salon manager when they are finished with the other client.

Sorry Im late for my appointment and didnt tell you. 

If you have a 12:30 p.m. appointment, calling at the time of your already-late appointment is not sufficient, Rios said. Late clients disrupt the flow of services and may affect the clients scheduled after you. 

If you are running late, its best to call or text ahead of time to let the stylist know and see if they can still accommodate you.

The bottom line: Be clear, honest and respectful in your communication.

This is key for building a strong relationship with your stylist. And as Goudeau said, [That] ensures youll be happy not only in the friendly/funny/sincere conversations [with your stylist], but [also] because youve built a safe space to genuinely share your concerns and hopes for your hair.