Usher, Keke Palmer And The Era Of Peak Male Fragility

Keke Palmers babys father learned the consequences of bringing relationship mess to the public for no good damn reason.  

In July, dude (whose name I still havent bothered to learn) was run off of anything resembling social media by a digital pitchfork-wielding mob for tweeting his disapproval of Palmer wearing a bethonged bodysuit under a sheer dress while being serenaded by Usher during his Las Vegas residency show.

Social media was quick to remind him that Palmer was out in public three-quarters naked before he ever impregnated her and that giving birth shouldnt relegate any woman let alone one younger than 30 to a life of wearing only burqas and that one discolored hoodie with the spit-up stains out of some antiquated sense of maternal respect.

To her credit, Palmer handled the tantrum like an ace and issued the ultimate clapback a month and a half later by way of Boyfriend , a new Usher song and video with the lyrics Somebody said that your boyfriend is looking for methats cool. Palmer appears to be having great fun in the video, which shes in more than Usher himself, and gives a cheeky little nod to her (presumably) now-estranged boyfriends tweet at the end.

Even the most stout-hearted humans have soft spots. Yours truly included. But theres a difference between having insecurities and being an insecure person. Its a tough thing to quantify, but spotting a fragile person is easy when you spend enough time with one and realize you want to stop doing just that.

Insecure men tend to make women suffer their miasma of fragility before anyone else weve seen a good amount of this from famous (or famous-adjacent) men this summer. 

Future, the patron saint of the aint-shit dude, dropped a quick and casual fuck Russell on his Quavo collab Turn Yo Clic Up. Its an obvious shot at NFL star Russell Wilson, the current husband of Futures ex, Ciara, and their sons stepdad.

Family dynamics are complicated, and Wilson, indeed, might be different behind closed doors than the good father and husband that he projects publicly (and which many men are convinced is a lie just because). But Future has a history of shading Wilson, and with real children involved, hurling insults on wax feels like bitter, unhealed ex behavior. 

(Some folks believe Wilson responded by being a cool stepdad and impregnating Futures ex once again.) 

Rapper DDG, whom I only know exists because hes in a relationship with everyones favorite mermaid, Halle Bailey, cut a song on his new album called Famous in which he expresses naked insecurity in having a partner whose success eclipses his.

Among the tracks thoughtful lyrics: Hardest thing I did was fall in love with a famous bitch and Filming a movie now you kissing dudes/You know I love you a lot/I dont give a fuck if that shit for promo/I dont wanna see this shit no more. 

DDG responded to the negative feedback, insisting that everyone give him creative leeway . But considering Bailey hasnt said anything publicly about Famous, Id wager shes not thrilled with being called a famous bitch by her man.

Finally, actor Jonah Hill had a bad time because his ex-girlfriend Sarah Brady saw fit to violate his privacy by airing out their old texts (grimy behavior on her part). We learned, among other things, that Hill wasnt cool with Brady, a professional surfer before he got to her, being photographed surfing in bikinis. Which is like asking a Starbucks barista to lay off being seen in green aprons. 

Hill couched his demand that Brady stop being attractive to other men in a list of his boundaries, which experts acknowledge is therapy speak leveraged as a means of control.   

Save for Palmers babys father, these are all men with a profile level and income that provide more access to women than the rest of us plebs. But money and fame arent enough to curb Bundt cake behavior: If the stories are true , Tory Lanez will wake up every day in a prison cell for up to a decade wondering why a woman insulting him drove him to shoot her. 

If even rich and famous men are about the weak shit, no one is safe from male fragility.

A consequence of existing in society is to care to some degree about the opinions of others: I care about my parents opinion of me and what people paying me think of my final product. I also recognize that there are certain scenarios prison, the streets where how one carries themselves can spell the difference between life and death.

But too many men possess the structural fortitude of an American bridge built in the 20th century, and they want to let the world know just how impacted they are about what a perfect stranger writes about them in the comments section of a post no one will pay attention to after a week. 

Im often nonplussed by this weak behavior, but Ive learned that Im built a bit differently than many of my ilk. I think jealousy is a waste of an emotion, and Im generally unconcerned with the business any spouse or girlfriend of mine is minding when Im not around.

I also find it quite sexy to have a fly woman on my arm who attracts the eyeballs of other men and women everyone gets to look, but shes coming home with me.

My feelings notwithstanding, I acknowledge that male fragility is part of the larger zeitgeisty conversation regarding manhood in the early 21st century; Washington Post columnist Christine Emba recently published a fascinating piece on the topic. You can ask five different people about what constitutes being a man and get five different answers and none of them will include wearing Crocs in public.  

In the Black community in particular, were enduring a seismic generational cultural shift thats forcing us to reexamine anachronistic gender roles. Black women are completing more college degrees than their Black male counterparts and thus have higher earning power. Meanwhile, tradition results in women wishing to avoid men who earn less than them and men feeling threatened by women who earn more than them. 

For these reasons, several women with high-earning careers have admitted to me that theyre reticent to reveal their gigs on a first date. To me, a secure man is unconcerned with his woman earning more than him and is more focused on playing his role to build a more fulfilling and well-rounded family while also protecting himself financially in the event of a breakup. My lady earning more than me is more chicken for the collective, but Ill always make my own dough.

Reducing generations of patriarchy and conditioning to yall are just weak in one column may seem unfair to some. But its up to humanity to do better as we learn more. Consider this (non-exhaustive) list as a primer to doing better: 

• The secure man wont allow perfect strangers and/or his high school classmates from two decades ago on Facebook dictate how he moves. 
• The secure man resembles Russell Wilson holding Ciaras hand in support as she dresses provocatively.  
• The secure man is not threatened by his female partner making more money than him because hes going to handle his own business anyway.
• The secure man doesnt take his latent childhood issues out on his partner, instead working through it with a therapist. 
• The secure man doesnt put his hands on a woman in aggression for anything short of her coming at him with a rocket launcher. 
• The secure man enjoys being partnered up with a desirable woman and will do so, quietly and without courting the attention of social media or anyone else who doesnt matter. 
• Above all else, a secure man doesnt have the constitution of wet Kleenex. 

Society may not make it easy for you to be that dude, but give it a shot. Theres freedom in not caring what the comments section thinks about you.