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marriage tweets
"At the beach and my husband has made friends with the family next to us so now I have to file for divorce."
"Engaging in marital warfare by loudly stirring my yogurt in a glass jar to retaliate against my husband for offensively slurping his cereal."
"Anytime my husband upsets me, I just add more shampoo bottles to our shower. Currently, theres 47."
"I think my wife is really mad at me. She barely touched my fries."
WHAT'S HAPPENING
"Wives be like 'This will change everything' and its just installing a shelf in the garage."
"I love when my husband says, 'correct me if Im wrong,' like I would pass up that opportunity."
"At the beach and my husband has made friends with the family next to us so now I have to file for divorce."
"Air-conditioned wife, happy life."
"So rude of my wife to not tell me about the schools gift exchange event for which we both got multiple emails."
"Im sorry for what I said when my husband put all my bras in the dryer."
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