me, drunk, into the thermostat: alexa, text my husband to buy more cheese.

— kim monte (@KimmyMonte) February 1, 2019

My dog stole a wedge of cheese and slunk off to eat it under the dining room table, and I've never been more convinced he could be my biological son.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) January 1, 2019

Once again in my quest to not eat sugar I have eaten Too Much Cheese

— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) September 25, 2018

Ever since I learned the US is experiencing a cheese surplus Ive felt a deep and personal sense of failure

— Erin Ryan (@morninggloria) May 18, 2016

Just thinking about Kraft mac and cheese right about now. pic.twitter.com/PymmfEYqCl

— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) August 3, 2018

3-year-old: *double-fists shredded cheese from the bag*

Wife: You didn't stop her?!

Me: She's living her best life.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 19, 2018

I don't have to say cheese to smile. I just have to think about it.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) January 14, 2018

Can't believe I wasted calories on macaroni and cheese with less than five cheeses.

— Kima Jones (@kima_jones) February 6, 2019

when I die, I want an open casket funeral and have me holding a pot of cheese fondue so everyone can dip bread as they mourn

— maura quint (@behindyourback) January 2, 2017

Its virtually impossible not to eat the entire box of Annies mac and cheese. The box is one serving.

Dont @ me.

— Imani Gandy (@AngryBlackLady) August 18, 2018

My 7yo just decided to spend her pocket money on cheese instead of candy, so my work here is done.

— Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) December 6, 2018

You can't make somebody love you, but you can eat cheese until you die.

— moody monday (@mdob11) December 13, 2014

I want to learn everything there is to learn about cheese. I want to squeeze the milk out of a tit and touch curdles with my bare hands and see a wheel of cheese that I check on daily mature into a beautiful angel

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) May 5, 2018

hitting that point in the night where I can't stop thinking about how good cheese has been to me

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 20, 2015

my husband brought home a slice of macaroni and cheese pizza and didnt bring me one can i stay with one of you until the divorce is final ? pic.twitter.com/oNHFdmwJfA

— kim monte (@KimmyMonte) January 23, 2019

I try not to snack at night, but the cheese in my fridge haunts me. What if I die in my sleep and NO ONE EATS IT?

— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) October 11, 2017

I decided to do some lunges in my living room. I had 3 in before I realized I was still eating a piece of cheese.

— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) January 30, 2014

My birthstone is a block of cheese.

— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) July 3, 2014

I just want to live in a world where I don't have to pay for extra cheese let alone even have to ask for it

— EnvyDaTropic (@envydatropic) April 25, 2015

Kraft recalled 96,000 pounds of cheese-filled hot dogs. I recall 96,000 pounds of cheese-filled hot dogs too. That was one wild summer.

— Joe Rumrill (@2tonbug) April 21, 2014

not to ruin your trust in the world but anytime you see something labelled as "four-cheese," that final cheese is a bullshit cheese

— maura quint (@behindyourback) September 17, 2016

*me delicately placing thin slivers of this merlot cheese on my lactose intolerant tongue* pic.twitter.com/cGaQIh7No2

— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) January 19, 2019

feelin anxious how much cheese should i eat

— Scaachi (@Scaachi) February 5, 2019

My daughter asked me if cheese is a vegetable, so...yeah shes an optimist.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) April 23, 2018

Me: Did you eat all the cheese?

5-year-old: No.

Me:

5: Theres more at the store.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 20, 2017

[grating cheese over my pasta]
Waiter: Tell me when
Me:
W:...
Me:
W:...
Me:
W:...
Me:
W: are you gonna say when?
Me: Wow our first fight.

— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) February 18, 2016

Someone ignoring you? There's a cheese for that.

— moody monday (@mdob11) June 22, 2014

Confession: I have dipped cheese into softer cheese.

— Emily Nixon (@NotThatNixon) February 10, 2014

every day when I wake up, my first thought is how satisfying it would be to slice cheese with one of these pic.twitter.com/gQ0LDa3Ak2

— bletchley punk (@alicegoldfuss) February 3, 2019

My Valentine is just a picture of cheese.

— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) February 13, 2014

2-year-old: *screeches*

Me: What's the emergency?

2: I need cheese.

That is an emergency.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 29, 2018

Can someone send me that video of that couple grinding on each other and one is feeding the other mac and cheese? I am trying to impress a girl

— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) December 13, 2018

Ice cream - cashew milk
Cereal - almond milk
Smoothies - coconut milk
CHEESE - WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO WITH CHEESE I LOVE CHEESE

— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) June 1, 2018

we go together like cheese and everything

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) August 22, 2013

Me: [lecturing kids] You know, the Paw Patrol string cheese is already gone. That was supposed to be for school snacks.

Husband [mouthful of string cheese] Listen to your mother, kids.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 20, 2018

Fuck your zodiac sign. How do you feel about cheese?

— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) September 10, 2018

1-year-old: *fills her mouth so full of cheese she can't close it*

*reaches for more cheese*

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 22, 2017

If I'm not choking on the cheese then I don't know what your version of "extra cheese" on a pizza looks like.

— Cathryn (@AngryRaccoon2) September 21, 2018