Search the term tradwife on TikTok and youll find thousands of carefully curated videos from creators like 26-year-old Estee Williams from Richmond, Virginia, and Hannah Neeleman, also known as Ballerina Farm , who has amassed 7 million followers sharing cooking and homemaking videos from her Utah farmhouse. The videos feature a soft life aesthetic: modern women clad in 50s housewife aprons, baking bread and arranging flowers in full makeup and perfectly styled hair.

The content is appealing. Williams TikTok has 1.3 million likes across her videos touting the benefits of relying on a partner to take care of you. In that regard, I was also a tradwife throughout my 12-year marriage.

The Tradwife Life Is A Slippery Slope

Throughout my first marriage in our early 20s my husband and I muddled through, three young children in tow, making the best life we could. We eventually divorced, I became a single mom, and a bit more muddling ensued. I was always one step behind, stressed out, overworked and underemployed.

Then I remarried.

When I became pregnant with my youngest with older kids in public school my advanced maternal age and medical history made the pregnancy high risk. We agreed that I should quit my job. So I did, and immediately began nesting.

I began creating the white picket fence life I thought I wanted. We even started homeschooling. If I was going to be home all day anyway, why not? I became a master of pinning craft ideas on Pinterest, meal planning and decorating my home.

In 2019, I started working from home here and there, taking on ghostwriting and freelance work, but none of that money truly contributed to the household. I let my husband take care of everything related to running the home. Hes a CPA and financial adviser by trade, so why would I worry my pretty little head about any of that? Had I asked, he likely would have shared the details. Neither of us gave it much thought, though, and it worked well for a while.

A Crash Course In Adulting

After our divorce hearing, I walked out of the local courthouse a homeowner, having been awarded the family home, but blissfully unaware of the ramifications.