My first boyfriend once said he would take a bullet for Mariah Carey. He was, if this isnt yet clear, at the top 1 percentile of obsessed. He ran a sizable Twitter account that posted updates about the pop icon and memorized pivotal interviews such as the one shed given about her Tokyo Dome concert in 1996. Hed say things like Justice for Glitter unironically and called anyone who had anything bad to say about her a misogynist.

To be fair, my own journey of queerness has involved an exploration of Mariahs catalog. Many of my subsequent boyfriends, all queer men of color, also loved the Butterfly singer to varying degrees. Something about her captured their spirits in a way that no other artist has been able to. Despite her antics and all the shade she receives from the general public, my community has stood by her for over three decades like shes some sort of emblem of queer liberation. I simply had to investigate why.

First and foremost, I found that Mariahs music has always embraced people who feel misunderstood or whose emotions have been dismissed in some way. Not long before we broke up, my first boyfriend showed me a lesser-known song by the Grammy winner called Outside off her Butterfly album.

Its hard to explain. Inherently, its just always been strange, she begins. Always somewhat out of place everywhere.

Listen to it right now if you can; the song is incredibly tender and flows like a river of revelation. Her melodies and lyrics are both profound and accessible. She goes on to sing about resigning oneself to the fact of not belonging and that for all the beauty in being different, there is also a persistent sadness.

Colby Sato, a 32-year-old Japanese-American who lives in Brooklyn and performs drag under the name Sativa Sunset, began to delve deeper into Mariahs music in 2019 when they were performing at a Mariah-themed show. For Sato, Mariahs larger-than-life persona and diva disposition feel very drag-like.

I have to agree. Shes always giving us campy material to work with, whether its a clip of her looking massively uncomfortable on public transit or an interview claiming she doesnt know some pretty famous celebrities who have clearly pissed her off.