My 6yo is on a fake phone call and just announced "I know I know I know you told me that last meeting," so now he's my life coach

— meghan (@deloisivete) March 20, 2024

Our cousin lives in Jupiter, Florida so you can imagine my 8yos disappointment once we arrived.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) March 17, 2024

Some of the cool things my 6yo girl has told me about how her day was at school include I got an award and Today, a group of boys were being mean to me and I only made 5 of them cry.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) March 19, 2024

5yo: DO YOU WANT ME TO DRAW YOU A GIRL BIRD OR A BOY BIRD?
Me: Um... a girl bird?
5yo: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GIRL BIRDS AND BOY BIRDS IS--
Me: Hey, babe, we're in the church office, so maybe be a little quieter about--
5yo: GIRLS HAVE EYELASHES

— Courtney Ellis (@courtneyellis) March 19, 2024

Pulling a long con on the kids by letting them get away with their innocent lies now, even though theyre so obvious, that way theyll never get better at lying and Ill be able to see right through their teenage lies. Am I doing this right

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) March 17, 2024

Single friend: [who spends her days frolicking around Europe] I wish I was married with kids

Married me w/ kids: [scraping crusted boogers off the walls] Yea, its pretty awesome

— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) March 20, 2024

Why do people come back from a baby changing station with the same baby?

— mariana Z (@mariana057) March 17, 2024

I posted a joke about being an overstimulated mom, and men FLOCKED to the comments to scream that moms now are just a bunch of crybabies because grandma was never overstimulated. As if grandma didnt have cocaine in her cola, a marlboro in one hand, and a switch in the other.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) March 22, 2024

Took my kid to a play place and he sees a former classmate who he has had a crush on for ages. I told him to play it cool. Just overheard him say I remember your breath. It always smells like goldfish crackers bro has negative rizz

— Teddie (@Teddie2pointO) March 21, 2024

Nothing in the world is more important to a child than seeing what you just showed another adult on your phone.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 19, 2024

Every current mom of a young child has at least one post from a Facebook moms group that they never stop thinking about.

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) March 21, 2024

Do you like the feeling of never being home & living out of your car?

Then having kids involved in sports might be for you.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 20, 2024

Why are babies always smiling at me they dont fucking know me.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) March 21, 2024

6yo: Mama, I learned something today.

Me: Oh yeah? What did you learn?

6yo (ominously) That were never alone.

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) March 21, 2024

4yo now deploying perhaps, as in, I will leave this leaf here for a creature to eatperhaps a caterpillar

Hardest part of being a parent is not bursting with delighted laughter and smothering them with hugs every time they speak

— Matt Bateman (@mbateman) March 21, 2024

No one:
Absolutely no one:
No one at all:
My 3yo: Speaking of dinosaurs! What is everybody's FAVORITE dinosaur?

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) March 19, 2024

In the time it takes me to make a shopping list, my family has already eaten enough additional food to render my shopping list obsolete.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 19, 2024

Chase pediatrician said have you talked to him about stranger danger yet so Im like kind of? She turns & asks him if someone comes up to you & they have candy would you go to their car? & hes like yes I love candy!

— Kay (@KaylarWill) March 22, 2024

If your kid ever asks you something when you're not listening, never just blindly reply with, "Sure."

I've been cleaning blueberries off the ceiling for 20 minutes.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 21, 2024

I get it Kate, Im also hiding in the bathroom from my family

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 21, 2024