Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X , the humor lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
my 2yo demanded a "skateboard song" at bedtime (idk how he knows what a skateboard is ???) and i told him i did not know a skateboard song but he insisted and so i sang "sk8er boi" and he went straight to sleep.
— emily petrini (@emilykmay) February 20, 2024
No one laughs or even smiles anymore when I sing Lord I was born a scramblin man every time I make eggs but thats the dad life, baby.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 18, 2024
Not to brag but my daughter ate the fruit I packed in her lunch today. pic.twitter.com/cCRocEkbpl
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) February 19, 2024
Being a parent to a toddler is messing with my vocab. Told someone that I was sorry I was late because I got stuck waiting on a choo choo train to pass
— Trey (@treydayway) February 18, 2024
Saw a momfluencer post where she talked about how she had a living room family, not a bedroom family because everyone felt happy and safe together in the living room and didnt feel the need to isolate themselves in their bedrooms. Her kids were 2-years-old and baby.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 19, 2024
Caught my 5yo sneaking around after bedtime carrying a set of 2lb dumbbells back to her room
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) February 21, 2024
Me: uh hey kid, whatcha doing?
5: Dad. I need strength. For the night.
My 6yo got home from school and crawled into bed with a tube of pringles, so I guess it was a rough day in kindergarten
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 21, 2024
I had come to expect that my sons would eventually start calling me bruh. I did not anticipate that I would be calling them bruh in return.
— redyellowgreendance (@RYGdance) February 18, 2024
with both parents in the hospital the second most asked question i get after how are they is how is your husband doing with the kids when youre gone all the time?
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 21, 2024
im going to start telling people he was unable to handle them so he sold them to the circus
Toddler: [Crying] Daddy, my chocolate ran away.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) February 20, 2024
Me: Oh no, where did it go?
Toddler: [Points in his mouth]
Please keep my 10 yo in your thoughts and prayers this morning. He has to take a shower and it has "ruined his life's plans".
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 22, 2024
My 5yo: I AM GOING TO TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT A DRAGON AND LETTUCE.
— Courtney Ellis (@courtneyellis) February 20, 2024
Me *after ten minutes of story*: Lets wrap it up, Babe.
5yo: AND THEN EVERYONE DIED.
Me: Thatll work.
I had to print out directions to take my kid to an appointment today because of the cell service outage and suddenly Im in high school again, driving my 93 Camry while blasting Green Day.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) February 22, 2024
Me: You were born via c section
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) February 21, 2024
7yo: Whats that mean
Me: It means they cut my stomach and pulled you out
7yo: Oh I thought they pulled me out of your butt hole
My 2 yo woke up said she was hungry, ate a sandwich and went right back to sleep.
— Princess (@themultiplemom) February 19, 2024
[45 minutes into Charlie and the Chocolate Factory]
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) February 20, 2024
7 year old: how does he still have a job?
Math tests should involve more real world problems like someone waking you screaming in your face while you calculate if 36-47lbs, 4-5yo, take 1.5tsp every 6-8hrs do not exceed 4 in 24hrs but they are 34lbs and 6-7yo and you cant find the measuring cup.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 17, 2024
Once I finished assembling the bookshelf my 7YO said, great job give your-shelf a pat on the back
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 20, 2024
Now, she is the Worlds Best Dad
My toddler gave a warm welcome to my husbands twin brother this weekend. And by warm welcome I mean he called him Daddy.
— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) February 19, 2024
There's an ambulance outside as we walk into a store, and when my husband says that someone must be sick or hurt, my 7yo loudly proclaims, "BUT WHY would they them to Walmart?!"
— Lil Bit (@LizerReal) February 20, 2024
My kids keep losing all the forks and spoons so now we have no choice but to eat with butter knives.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) February 19, 2024
3: I hit you in the head with the shovel
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) February 22, 2024
me: um, no thank you
3: its ok. Ill be gentle
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make even as little as $2 goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.