Beyonc is one of the most fiercely private celebs, but in a new interview she gets real about something many women deal with: having not one, but multiple, miscarriages.

In the January 2020 cover story for Elle magazine , the 38-year-old pop culture icon talks candidly about pregnancy losses she and husband Jay-Z experienced before the birth of their daughter Blue Ivy in 2012, and how it helped put her career in perspective.

I began to search for deeper meaning when life began to teach me lessons I didnt know I needed, the singer said in response to a fans question about getting snubbed by the Grammys for her 2016 album Lemonade. Success looks different to me now.

I learned that all pain and loss is in fact a gift. Having miscarriages taught me that I had to mother myself before I could be a mother to someone else, she said. Then I had Blue, and the quest for my purpose became so much deeper. I died and was reborn in my relationship, and the quest for self became even stronger. Its difficult for me to go backwards.

Being number one, Beyonc added, was no longer my priority. My true win is creating art and a legacy that will live far beyond me. Thats fulfilling.

Lemonade lost out on album of the year to Adeles 25 something that surprised even Adele . (My album of the year is Lemonade, the British singer told reporters backstage at the award show.)