I didn't even know you could feel every single emotion in a 20 minute span until I put a toddler to bed.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 14, 2014

Sometimes you're in awe of all the things your toddler has learned and other times you regret teaching them things like how to open doors.

— Mamatoga (@Mamatoga) August 17, 2014

My 3 year old told the doctor that she liked eating her vegetables.

And the academy award goes to....

— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) March 31, 2016

My toddler screamed "HELP!" at 2am like she was being attacked because her blanket was tangled, so don't talk to me about your problems.

— Goodnight Sanity (@GoodnightSanity) May 12, 2016

We're really into juice cleanses lately, it's when ur toddler spills apple juice all over the house and u follow her around with a wet rag.

— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 16, 2016

Apparently a 2 year old getting her hair washed and an exorcism sound oddly similar.

— Shock Jacques (@jnyemb) March 30, 2014

I've taught this toddler to say 'please,' a word he thinks means 'I command you to do this.'

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) May 8, 2016

In an act of true defiance, #toddler just looked me in the eye and poured his entire glass of imaginary juice onto the floor. #bold

— Hugs&Headbutts (@HugsNHeadbutts) May 7, 2016

I told my toddler to sit on the training potty.

I came upstairs to find this

She outsourced going to the bathroom. pic.twitter.com/S97ua21kTB

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 13, 2016

If you pretend toddlers are speaking Dothraki they're a lot more entertaining.

— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) May 28, 2016

My toddler has created "karate ballet"

and I'm scared for us all...

— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) April 13, 2016

The 3yo insisted on helping me put all the laundry away. It's only taken us 6 hours & 10 minutes & apparently pants go in the fridge now.

— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) May 11, 2015

Fun fact: If you take the fluffy pad off a Swiffer, it becomes a pitchfork for a toddler to attack you with.

— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) May 7, 2016

You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 12, 2014

3-year-old: *pouts*

Me: Is something wrong with your lunch?

3: It's too wet.

Me: It's soup.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 2, 2016

No one exaggerates a situation quite like a toddler who just broke their cookie.

— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) May 5, 2016

So The Fast and the Furious isn't about grocery shopping with your toddler?

— Meredith (@PerfectPending) May 2, 2016

So nice of my 3yo to crawl into bed at 6:15 so she could kick me in the back and fart on me. #mondays

— Will (@willgoldstein) January 11, 2016

The mind of a 3 year old is a scary place. pic.twitter.com/eT3N598ajl

— Shock Jacques (@jnyemb) July 12, 2015

If only we could harness the renewable energy of toddler tantrums.

— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) March 6, 2014

Thank you toddler for "helping me with dinner" by doing the vital task of unraveling the entire tinfoil roll. pic.twitter.com/7cSGGAtTte

— mama bird diaries (@mamabirddiaries) April 28, 2016

Growing up I used to be afraid of the dark but now I am afraid of hearing my toddler wake up in the middle of the night.

— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) February 11, 2016

Just discovered why my dishes weren't getting clean... Caught my toddler pressing cancel mid-wash.

— Jennifer Borget (@JenniferBorget) April 10, 2015

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

— mama bird diaries (@mamabirddiaries) May 12, 2016