The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this weeks great tweets from women below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here .
let's hang, here's when i'm free pic.twitter.com/a6VIJcZZj7
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) January 23, 2020
me phoning in an order for mozzarella sticks pic.twitter.com/bpYz9ysjOV
— lily ratbird (@ratbrd) January 21, 2020
I AINT SCARED OF NOTHING
— quinta brunson (@quintabrunson) January 22, 2020
Except undercooking chicken and everyone getting sick and having to go to the hospital and its all my fault thats my deepest fear
I'm not an avid reader of food magazines but if Toast On A Paper Towel Monthly ever comes out, yes, I'd like a subscription.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) January 24, 2020
after careful consideration i have decided that feeling my feelings was a mistake and Id like to undo this action.
— employee of the bearimy (@crissles) January 20, 2020
anyones boss when you invite them to happy hour pic.twitter.com/1rWUYp85tB
— kim. (@KimmyMonte) January 21, 2020
I don't know who needs to hear this, but it's okay to have a favorite fork.
— Felicia (@LostFelicia) January 16, 2020
wait, what? -adulthood
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) January 18, 2020
At some point we all stopped having pizza parties and that's when our slow descent into quiet sorrow began.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) January 21, 2020
In Chicago we dont say I love you. We say yes, I can pick you up at Ohare and I think thats beautiful.
— mujer valiente (@KimberlyRubyy) January 22, 2020
cant believe that as a child grease had me thinking that these ppl were teenagers pic.twitter.com/PIB4Oa2dk4
— elle (@sundayblondie) January 21, 2020
when you're 20 a "what's your address?" text means someone's sending you a fun care package of cookies
— Rekha Shankar (@rekhalshankar) January 23, 2020
when you're 30 a "what's your address?" text means your friend is getting married and you are, actually, doing everything wrong
villain: ok we've injected you with truth serum
— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) January 21, 2020
Tony the Tiger: they're fine
Im by far not the best person but by far the worst thing Ive ever done is accidentally touch the mailman through my houses mail slot. I have never before heard the sort of noise he made after reaching into what he hoped was the cold embrace of a mail slot and finding a hand.
— Kayla Ancrum (@KaylaAncrum) January 20, 2020
— dirt prince (@pant_leg) January 23, 2020
i'm not trying to tell anyone how to do her job but god should've made me taller and better at math
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) January 22, 2020
me: okay time to sleep
— nash (@thenashleysays) January 18, 2020
brain: ok
brain:
brain: hey
brain: HEY
me: ... what
brain: u ever wonder what bear milk tastes like
me:
brain: do...do u think it would give us powers
me: Im gonna stop eating bread
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) January 23, 2020
narrator: she went on to eat all the bread
me in my apartment: i am hungry and i can make whatever i want because i am an autonomous adult with a bank account and i thrive in freedom
— Scaachi (@Scaachi) January 21, 2020
me at my parents house: i cant find the can of chickpeas my mom said was in the pantry so i have to wait for her to come home and feed me
me: sorry, my calendar is booked until April
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) January 23, 2020
also me: watched all 12 episodes of The Circle
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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