The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this weeks great tweets from women below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here .
I think about how my Gen X friends once had to order takeout by calling the place and I admire their bravery.
— feminist next door (@emrazz) February 2, 2020
my anxiety clinging to a new non-issue pic.twitter.com/pm4vVv16l1
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) February 3, 2020
guns AND roses? in this economy???
— kelly (@kelllicopter) February 4, 2020
looking at my to do list from last week pic.twitter.com/YMHCtBDdEc
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) February 3, 2020
Friend: I need some advice
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) February 2, 2020
Me with olives on all of my fingers: Youve come to the right place
Its fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.
— Sarah Sweeney (@heysarahsweeney) February 2, 2020
Me at home: Why isn't there more kindness in the world?
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) February 3, 2020
Me while driving: I hate every single person on this planet.
great news i officially had so much coffee that i am vibrating at a pitch only dogs can hear
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) February 3, 2020
How to make friends as an adult:
— Emily McKenna it is Winter (@EmilyMcWinter) February 5, 2020
1. Say "we should hang!"
2. Do not hang.
3. Say "we should hang!" 6 months later.
4. Cancel.
5. Reschedule.
6. Respect their cancelation.
7. Reschedule.
8. Actually hang.
9. Say "we should do this more often!"
10. Die.
Theres no sentence in the English language scarier than time for an icebreaker game!
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) February 3, 2020
Me: Ok, I just need to remember my bank account and routing number to set up this draft.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) February 4, 2020
My Brain:
Me:
My Brain:
Me:
My Brain: The kid in Hocus Pocus is also the same one who was in that old show called Eerie Indiana. His name is Omri Katz. Hope that helps. K bye.
Does learning Tik Tok dances count as cardio? Asking for me.
— Camilla Blackett (@camillard) February 5, 2020
[Cranking up the heat on my slow cooker]
— That Pesky Prostitt (@LittleMissAngr1) February 4, 2020
Me: slow cook it faster
My mom bought a new car and my sister who teaches third grade let her kids suggest names for it for fun. They asked what color the car was -- gray. Here are their suggestions:
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) February 5, 2020
-Britney
-Woman
-Rainbow the Sad Sad Car
I fly to New York tomorrow night for a visit. Cant wait to assume my true form pic.twitter.com/kPDjumnn7I
— a.b. (@AlannaBennett) February 5, 2020
Before you commit to a dog name, go outside at 6:30 AM with no bra on and see how it feels begging that name to poo.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) February 6, 2020
I know caucuses can be a bit confusing to non-Americans, so heres how they work: first they gather up a great pile of stones, then everyone in town arrives, then the families take a piece of paper from the black box, and if you pull a paper with a black spot you get sacrificed
— Mara Get Rid of the Nazis Wilson (@MaraWilson) February 4, 2020
Being prettier than me? That's one thing. But being prettier than me and also more talented and successful??????? I simply cannot abide it
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) February 6, 2020
There is no American value that someone cant turn into a car ad.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) February 3, 2020
If someone doesnt explain the difference between au gratin and scalloped potatoes to me rn I am going to lose my mind
— ghost mom (@radtoria) February 4, 2020
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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