Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
So we dont go to restaurants, kids arent signed up for anything, and we are just staying home during spring break? Sounds like my childhood.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 7, 2020
Cutting your toddlers sandwich the wrong way is a mistake you dont make more than once.
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) April 10, 2020
Today our 5yo is wearing a shirt that says Genius, but he put it on backwards, so yes, homeschooling is going great.
— Dad on my Feet (@dad_on_my_feet) April 9, 2020
Me: *sings*
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) April 9, 2020
3: *stares up at me with big eyes, listening intently*
Me: do you like it when mummy sings?
3: no
Working from home
— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) April 8, 2020
2yo:
2yo:
2yo:
2yo:
2yo:
2yo:
2yo:
Me: *starts Skype meeting*
2yo: DAAAADDDDYYYY CAN YOU WIPE MY BUMBUM
I can raise kids just fine, but keeping plants alive that only need to be watered once a month is apparently out of my reach.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 5, 2020
Me to my kids: you have to eat right and get good sleep if you want to stay healthy.
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) April 7, 2020
Also me: *shouting at 5am* WHO THE HELL ATE MY BREAKFAST PRINGLES??
Earlier today my 4yo told me Im glad youre my daddy... for now which is both the sweetest and most terrifying thing Ive ever heard.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) April 10, 2020
its all fun and games creating children who act just like you until youre isolated in a house with them 24/7
— Kiss my Fat Ash (@Tobi_Is_Fab) April 9, 2020
I miss going to a restaurant and paying 5.99 for kraft macaroni and cheese for my kid to take two bites of it.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) April 7, 2020
Weve been trying to do more family dinners lately and its been nice to have this quality time together or as 11 calls it ugh how long is this going to take?!
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) April 7, 2020
*out for a walk at 8:30am*
— New-ish Mom (@LifeThrewLemons) April 8, 2020
*2 notices our neighbor's curtains are closed*
2: ooo, they're sleeping!
Me: yeah, you know you could also still be sleeping, right? Lots of people sleep past 6:30.
2:*laughs* nooo.
[playing with 2yo]
— Mummy Dear (@ThatMummyLife) April 7, 2020
Me: oh check my foot. I think its broken.
2: *examining foot* lots of meat. lots of meat.
Me: meat?
2: *giving thumbs up* good job mummy!
My 6 y/o takes, on average, 14 years to finish his dinner.
— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) April 10, 2020
Great news I got a 100 on my son's geometry test.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 9, 2020
My 4YO son walked into the kitchen naked and said, Can you make me something to eat? Dont worry about me not wearing clothes so I guess the quarantine lifestyle has no age bounds.
— Not the Nanny (@notthenanny) April 5, 2020
Moms everywhere want to know "WHO OPENED THIS BAG OF FOOD THE WRONG WAY?!"
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) April 9, 2020
Me: Guys, meet your new substitute teacher wholl be taking over for me the rest of the school year!
— The Vagina Diary (@thevaginadiary) April 9, 2020
Kids: Dad?
When this pandemic is over, my wife and I plan to start free-range parenting, just to free ourselves from being within range of the kids.
— The Dad Briefs (@SladeWentworth) April 8, 2020
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